Three Men and a Baby
by HatieKammons
Summary: Jake returns home from college on Christmas break, with his new girlfriend, Jillian, in tow. But how will the family react to Jake's and Jillian's life-changing news? Suck summary, good story.
1. Chapter 1: Still Gonna Hide Miss Decembe

Author's Note: My first Two and a Half Men fanfic! :D AU Charlie is still alive. Disclaimer: Alas, I do not own Two and a Half Men. I only own the OCs.

Chapter One: Still Gonna Hide Miss December

Alan couldn't contain his excitement as he adjusted the tinsel strewn over the mantel. Thinking no one was in earshot, he began to sing along to the jazz instrumental of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" lightly accompanying the night's festivities.

"My son's coming home for Christmas. My son's coming home for Christmas. My son's coming home for Christmas-"

"Better hide the Playboys!" Charlie sang, startling his brother. "But, seriously. These are the only issues I own that don't have Dorito stains on the corners."

Alan shrugged off his brother's concern and returned to the mantel. "I don't think we'll need to hide them. Jake said he was bringing his girlfriend home this time." Jake was constantly talking about this girl on his weekly phone calls; well, when he wasn't begging for cash or laundry.

"Yeah, it'll be nice to meet the mystery girl." Charlie agreed as he filled his old fashioned glass halfway with Makers Mark. "Still gonna hide Miss December, though."

The doorbell rang as Charlie hid his treasured Miss December. Alan opened the door to his nineteen-year-old son, his blonde hair hanging in his face. Next to Jake stood a tall, slender young woman. She was a pretty little thing, with red curly hair hanging to her waist, and big eyes the shade of cornflower blue.

"How's it going, dad?" Jake asked, embracing his father.

"Glad to have you home, son," Alan replied. He slowly pulled away. "Are you going to introduce us?" He asked, gesturing toward the girl.

"Oh, my bad," Jake laughed, "Dad, this is my girlfriend, Jillian."

"It's great to meet you, Mr. Harper," Jillian's voice melodically rang like bells in a quiet church. There was a welcoming song to her voice.

"Oh, call me Alan. It's nice to meet you, Jillian." Alan drew Jillian into a swift embrace as Jake took their luggage. He guided the two into the now fully decorated living room, where Charlie was adjusting the tilting Christmas tree.

"Damn thing keeps tipping," Charlie muttered under his breath.

"Uh, Charlie, this is Jake's girlfriend." Alan called.

"Jillian Hanks. It's nice to meet the famous Charlie Harper," Jillian giggled, as she took Charlie's hand in a quick, yet firm handshake.

"Ah, so once again my reputation precedes me." Charlie replied, a Playboy still in his hand. Once he finally noticed the magazine, he quickly put it in his back pocket with a chuckle.

"Uh, Jake, Jillian, why don't you get settled in your room and we'll catch up at dinner?" Alan suggested, trying to ease the awkward introductions to a halt. Jake led Jillian upstairs to his childhood bedroom, still covered in car posters, and quietly shut the door.

"Glad that's done," Jake sighed as he plopped the suitcases on his floor. "Now we can have some alone time." Jillian smiled as Jake pulled her into a long kiss. He took her in like a drink on the beach he'd been dying for all day. His loving embrace temporarily took Jillian away from her exhaustion. It almost pained her when he pulled away to start unpacking.

"You okay, babe?" Jake asked as he filled his closet.

"Huh?" Jillian snapped out of her daze, "Oh, yeah. I'm just so tired all of a sudden." She turned to see Jake's concerned face. Something was – _off – _about her lately. "Really, love. I'm fine. I've just been stressed from finals."

"Really?" Jake gingerly held her by the shoulders. "Because you've been like this since before finals. You sure you're not sick or something?" He cupped her cheek with his strong and gentle hand.

"I'm fine, Jake."

_I mean, I am late_. The thought suddenly came to her. She should have started her period weeks ago. Jillian had never been late before, but she tried to shrug it off as something stress-related. Still, she couldn't shake the idea that it could be _that_.

"No, you're not. Something's off." Jake insisted. He easily called her bluff. Jillian sighed as she tried to think of a way to tell him.

"I-I mean, I m-might be-"She stuttered, trying to understand what it was she wanted to say.

"What?" Jake hung on her every word, every possible outcome running through his head.

"I – might be pregnant," Jillian finally said in a half-voice, unlike her normal confident voice. Both sat on the bed in silence, trying to absorb what she just said. Jillian's heart began to race as the realization flooded her brain. _How could I be so stupid?_ She thought. She turned to Jake, hoping he would say _something _instead of leaving her there in silence.

"Well," Jake finally sighed, "There's only one way to find out. If Dad or Charlie asks, I went to grab something real quick." He quickly grabbed his keys and jacket.

"Where are you going?" Jillian asked, tugging on her sweater sleeves.

"I'll be right back." Jake softly kissed her forehead and headed for the door, "Everything's going to be fine."

Jillian plopped on the bed and looked at the white ceiling as tears welled up in her eyes. She waited for the door to click shut to let them fall down her cheeks.

_This can't be happening_, she thought. _We had always been so careful. Could I really be a parent? Would Jake really want to be a father? Maybe I'm not pregnant. Maybe I'm just stressing myself out._ But Jillian knew better than to think that was the case. All she could do was wait for Jake to come home. Then she'd know once and for all.


	2. Chapter 2: Pee Sticks Don't Go in Batman

Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Two and a Half Men. Just my OCs and comic book collection.

Chapter Two: Pee Sticks Don't Go in Batman

Jillian impatiently tapped her foot on the carpet by the bed as she waited for what felt like hours, until Jake finally crept through the door with a paper bag in his hand. She nervously grabbed the bag and went into the bathroom conveniently adjacent to Jake's bedroom. Jake sheepishly followed as Jillian examined the contents of his purchase. Sitting prominently on the counter was a box containing two home pregnancy tests and a bottle of Sunny D. Jillian smiled, finding it sweet that he grabbed her favorite drink. The smile quickly faded as she realized what came next.

"I'll go ahead and take them." Jillian said with a heaving sigh and a swig of Sunny D. Jake nodded as she quietly shut the door. Her hands shook as she took both tests. After she finished, Jillian placed them both in the plastic Batman cup by the sink. She decided to take a shower while waiting for the results. Jake came in as he heard the water running.

"Hey, pee sticks don't go in Batman." Jake whined. Jillian rolled her eyes.

"Well, if you didn't put your pee stick in me, they probably wouldn't be in Batman." She tried to crack a joke, but inside she was a wreck. "If they're positive, I think I'll scream." Jake was silent as he waited to read the tests. Jillian was simply letting hot water run down her face when he finally opened the shower curtain holding a test.

"Please don't scream."

Jillian nearly tripped coming out of the shower, letting the water run behind her. She held the test in her hand and looked down to the unholy blue plus sign taunting her. Jillian frantically grabbed the second test from the Batman cup, which gave identical results. The couple stood in the middle of the tiny bathroom, holding two positive pregnancy tests in shocked silence. Jillian's soaked body collapsed into Jake's ready arms like a ragdoll as she let tears further soak his clean black shirt.

"Everything's gonna be okay, Jilly-Bean." Jake said softly, stroking her damp hair. He held her until she started shaking from the cold, at which point he handed her a towel. "We'll see a doctor in the morning. We'll figure this out." Jake tenderly wiped away the slowly declining tears from her face, now drained of color. He let her get dressed as he changed from his wet shirt to a crisp white sleep shirt. Jake was beyond terrified; his whole future changed in a matter of minutes. But he had to keep a brave face, for Jillian's sake.

"Kids! Dinner's almost ready!" Berta called from the hallway. Jake's heart stopped. He didn't even think about the fact that they would have to face his family. Jillian heaved a heavy sigh as she threw on a pair of black leggings and her college sweatshirt.

"Look. We'll have to tell them at some point." She finally said in a shaky voice. "But let's wait until all the festivities are over. I don't think a New Years Eve bash is the time to break the news to them." Jake nodded in agreement. "Besides, we still have to figure out what we're gonna do, now." Jake brought Jillian close to him, smelling her vanilla perfume. "I mean, do you really think we could be good parents?"

Jake thought silently for a second. "No." Jillian pulled away, confused by his blunt answer. "I think we'll be the best parents this kid could ever ask for." Jillian could see a smile emerging as he held her tightly. "I know we're young, and I know we're not perfect. But who's to say you have to be?" Finally, Jake's lips quickly met hers. "Just relax, Jilly. We'll be fine. We'll be better than fine."

A sudden calm temporarily flooded the room as they readied themselves to face Alan and Charlie.

Jillian and Jake picked at their meals at the dinner table as Alan bombarded the two with questions.

"So, Jillian, what are you studying?" He asked enthusiastically.

"Child Psychology." Jillian replied with a smile. It was nice to change the subject for a little while. She'd almost forgotten she was pregnant, until the smell of ham brought on a wave of nausea that she could suppress. "I hope to open my own practice."

Alan grinned. "Impressive. I've been telling Jake he could work well with children."

"That's what I thought, too." Jillian agreed, taking Jake's hand on the table. "I actually talked him into giving guitar lessons to some of my study subjects, and he is a natural with them." She winked at Jake with a half smile.

"Just putting that Music Ed major to good use." Jake said with a chuckle. Jillian playfully tousled his hair, enjoying the moment. Alan smiled in approval.

The meal continued without any mishaps or awkward questions, surprisingly.

"He picked a keeper." Alan told Charlie as they watched the two lovebirds return upstairs to their room.

"You're right," Charlie replied. "Let's pray he doesn't do anything stupid to ruin it."

"Oh, have a little faith in him," Alan whined. "I know his track record isn't the greatest-"Charlie raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, he's not the brightest crayon in the box, but I think this will be great for him. I really like Jillian." Alan paused and thought for a moment. "Oh, Jake, please don't screw this up."

The following morning, Jake and Jillian quietly snuck out of the house early in the morning and made their way to the nearest clinic. The waiting room wasn't nearly as crowded as they'd expected, with only one other family. The two took a seat in the farthest corner after checking in. Jillian held Jake's hand so tight her knuckles turned white. Jake played with a wispy curl hanging loosely out of her ponytail, trying to lighten the mood.

"It'll be okay, Jilly-Bean." He tucked the curl behind her ear. "Don't worry too much. It can't be good for you." Jillian nodded, and heaved a sigh.

"That's easier said than done." Jillian laid her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"I know."

As they sat in their embrace, the rest of the world seemed to melt away for a while. A plump nurse in Hello Kitty scrubs snapped them back to reality.

"Hanks!" she shouted, even though Jake and Jillian were the only two left in the office. Jake took Jillian's hand as they silently walked into the crisp white office.


End file.
